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Ask a brown chick: What makes a good boyfriend?

A few days ago I received this question in my mailbox from one of my readers looking for an outsider’s perspective on an issue they had with their boyfriend.

Alex tries to get me to read about successful 25 year old millionaires that are living their dreams. I say, I dont want to read an article about guys my age doing the same thing as me making oodles of money. That will depress me. He replies, “jesus fucking Christ, negative Nellie.” Subsequently I am more depressed. What might a good boyfriend say? Though, he has had to deal with my depression for well over a year now.

-Frustrated in the mid-west

Well, I don’t exactly know what makes a “good boyfriend”. I suppose love, respect, and support would probably have to be high up on the good boyfriend list.  As people, we have different ways of communicating with one another and subsequently, trying to help our loved ones out. Perhaps referring you to the articles is his special way of trying to push you out of the rut you say you’ve been stuck in?

Might I ask would it really have hurt you to take a look at those articles? Maybe assuming that they would just depress you is your depression speaking instead of you? Me thinks you probably wouldn’t have had much to lose from perusing the article your boyfriend suggested to you. I say, next time step out of your comfort zone and read the freaking articles. What have you got to lose? Right?


About Niesha Davis

Niesha Davis is an internationally based writer and editor. She has written for: Sixth Tone, Women's Health, Everyday Health, Bust, Bitch, Narratively, The Awl, and other publications. Follow her travels on youtube at brown and abroad.

2 responses »

  1. Bobo the Clown

    On the other hand if the partner knows that the other partner is depressed, why react in a aggressive manner by putting the depressed partner down for being depressed? A good partner would uplift. Or, like the old saying goes “if you cant say something nice, don’t say it at all”

  2. I don’t even know what makes a good boyfriend… from this brown chicks perspective also. I can’t go on other’s relationships because I am not the partner. It can be millions of things that make babies look adorable… the irony in it is that it is not what it seems at first and everyone’s depiction of what’s good doesn’t necessarily convey to others.


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